Struggling

Finally an update for my sadly recently quiet blog. I have a whole list of things on which I want to post, but I'm just not able to at the moment. Hopefully when I've caught up a bit. But now, the post.

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Really struggling with studying at the moment. I am behind as a result of 2 weeks off sick, and while I managed to get myself together enough to submit the assignment only 5 days late, I've still been struggling since. I feel exhausted and demotivated. The more behind I feel, the less able to study I feel, and the more behind I get. I'm getting more and more panicked at the thought of the next impending assignment, and less and less able to structure my thoughts or respond to the activities as I feel they deserve.

I need to get myself moving again, so rather than reflecting too much (and risking descending further into gloom) I'm trying to take a pragmatic approach to this. (This probably is as the result of prior reflection anyway - learning from past experience about how to help myself through study struggles).

1 - I was ill, and that's why I got behind
2 - it is impossible to do two week's catchup in one week if you expect to complete the activities to the level you would normally
3 - it's important to move on and ensure I'm ready and able to address the next assignment.

Therefore, the plan:
1 - Attempt the activities, but do not expect to do them to the level I would wish and would usually demand of myself.
2 - Keep moving. Do not get hung up on details or paralysed by the circumstances.

All very bullish. Which unfortunately is not me at all.

I am a perfectionist. I enjoy learning. I want to get the most out of the activities, and I want to show that I can do them well. Further, I think the current activities (on what elearning, professionalism, and the term 'elearning professional' mean) are really interesting, so my struggle to engage with the tasks is frustrating me all the more. Being forced to tackle things in this way is uncomfortable to say the least, and while I know it is actually a good plan for preparing for the next assignment (it is better than reaching the assignment week and still being 2 weeks behind) it still worries me that I won't be as prepared for the assignment as I want to be.

A bit of reflection - mainly on evidence of practice-related competencies(!)

I'm enjoying activity 3.1 - considering the key features of eportfolio software. We seem to be moving towards a discussion stage now, which should be really interesting. I really value Madeleine's proactivity in proposing a collaborative effort on the task as I think it has helped us focus on the fact that we are aiming for a discussion, not just 15 different contributions.

I'm also enjoying the activity as I feel I'm able to be proactive myself. Again I've been able to use some of the slightly more technical skills I have to support the group with wiki pages and a collaborative spreadsheet in Google Docs. This has been interesting for me in several ways. Trying to make a large table display in the wiki resulted in a mass of very narrow columns - it would quickly become unreadable as the rows would become enormously high. This reinforced for me the lesson of choosing the right assistive technology for the job... while a wiki was good for collaboration, it wasn't going to be able to display the data. So, next thought was a Google Doc (although I use this a lot, including for collaborative work) it wasn't until I saw Kevin had posted his incredibly comprehensive comparative grid to Google that I realised what a good idea it was). Google Docs also gave the flexibility for our different needs - Kevin's to display to viewers without giving editing rights, and mine to allow full and equal access to all who had the URL.

I hope that I can use activity like this as evidence of technology and communication-related skills and proactivity (categories from our course framework for professional development). I've created my own 4x4 grid to try to start logging how each piect of work relates to the competencies. I've also set up tags in my OneNote notebook - and using its search/aggregation feature I can easily see where I've tagged items against each competency/feature. So, the technology to log my evidence is not the problem. Where I feel I am coming unstuck is in how to identify an item as evidence for a particular competency. I think I can actually relatively easily identify when work relates to the technology, communication or research competencies... so the tricky one for me is practice-related. I really can't get my head around what would demonstrate this in the context of the course. I wonder if an activity like 3.2 (writing a report to educational managers, recommending an eportfolio system) is the type of thing that would count here. My concern again, (as in my blog reflections last weekend), is with the term practice. In my current job I don't work with eportfolios, reflection, or even with students or educational institutions. I'm at the technology end of the educational technologist spectrum - investigating new options, and their applicability to various users and contexts. Perhaps I will actually be able to use this as a practice-related competency... but I feel unsure.

[Quite enjoying this reflection... following where my thoughts go, watching questions bubble up, trying to focus myself on answering them... bit of solution-focused therapy!]

So it seems my concerns are about the practice-related elements, and whether I'll be able to supply appropriate evidence. To reduce these concerns I probably need to better understand what constitutes evidence here - so I need to ask. I guess a tutor group forum post would be appropriate here. I could privately email the tutor, but hopefully I'm not the only one with this confusion... and if that's the case, a forum post would be proactive in itself... and could that also be a practice-related competency (knowing when personal professional development is required, and seeking guidance?)... or am I clutching at straws here? Any comments much appreciated!

[Hoping that this will have got some of the meandering thoughts out of my head, and left me a little bit of room to contemplate the next activity - but it's identified some points I need to come back to.

Finally - thanks to anyone who made it this far through a rambly reflection. It's good to feel my reflective writing is developing though... I'll stop now before I descend into reflecting on reflecting...!

Getting organised

In addition to constructing the (unexpectedly epic!) blog post on my choice of ePortfolio below, I've spent most of the evening organising my H808 notes, evidence and ways of recording.

The ease with which OneNote has proven itself in storing/sorting/creating my course work is a large part of what led to my selecting it for my ePortfolio. (I sense a slight element of "if I say I've selected OneNote" enough times I'll start to believe that I made an ok decision, but I'm ignorring that right now!). Anyway, as I've gone along, in only 2 and a bit weeks of study I've accumulated notes on reading, blog posts, forum posts, wiki contributions, wiki edits and structure changes, a MyStuff portfolio (or at least a set of unstructured elements!) etc... This really points to the need to be organised on this course! So, I've spent the evening getting all these things stored in the one place - my OneNote notebook (and yes, it's backed up, off-site).

I feel happy with what I now have, and I think it's a sustainable system, suitably structured and easily accessible, tailored to my study-style preferences... but I do feel that most of what I've been doing in the past few days is organising my course and my activities, and not actually doing much in the way of 'the course'. Ok, I know these are all learning activities, but I mean ones listed in the course units!

Still, feels good to be organised, and to have done a little bit of 'the course' earlier today too.

New beginnings

I'm just beginning H808 - an Open University Masters level course which I hope will help me to develop as an eLearning Professional.

I seem to be a somewhat reluctant entrant to blogging - I enjoy writing, keep copious notes, enjoy interacting with other students, read other blogs and forums, build web sites and publish papers... but I've never felt quite comfortable with putting my thoughts out there for anyone to read - and criticise. I'm sure other students on the course will be friendly and helpful, but dipping my toe in the water is nerve-racking.

It's interesting to experience the point of view of the overwhelmed (but keen!) new learner. I've done lots of studying, both distance-learning and in a fixed uni research office, but I feel very new here. For a fairly technology-savvy person to be experiencing this level of anxiety makes me very aware of how carefully students who are new to both distance learning and using various technologies to engage with that learning need to be supported.

Exciting isn't it!
Well, it would be quite a bit more exciting if I was able to communicate with my course mates! I can read the forums, see them all chatting away, introducing themselves and starting to share useful pointers and discussion... but I don't have Reply or Start new discussion buttons yet! I'm sure they will come, and their current lack of presence is due to my registering on the course on the last available day, but it's a bit frustrating. It means I see it all going on, but feel left behind before we've even begun! Again, a concern to watch out for in supporting elearners - make sure the technology is an enabler and not a hindrance!

I look forward to emeeting all my course mates soon, and am now going to see if I can find a way to post this on to them via a helpful course moderator (thanks Helen :-) )